So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
