Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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