Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
