never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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