who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
