Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize