I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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