dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
