If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize