Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
