i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
