Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
