You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
