You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize