she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
smell my finger.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
