Even water is tasting like jack daniels
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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