I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
