I'm really into asian looking animals
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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