he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize