we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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