There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
