I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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