I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
