TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
