As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
