If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
