her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize
