Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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