And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
