My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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