how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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