In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
