If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
