my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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