Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
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