it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize