One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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