how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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