let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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