I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
