Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
