i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
