you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
