I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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