I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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