my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
