Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
it's like iHOP with fire
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
