susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
