The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize