Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
not ubering you a puppy
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
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