every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
