I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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