listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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