Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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