My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize