Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
