i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
So many bounce houses so little time
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
