Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
