so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
