Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize