apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
