I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
