I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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