i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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