i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
