so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
