i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
