Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize