I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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