Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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