i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
