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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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