i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
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