i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I'm passing your future prison.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
