Define "chronic" masturbator.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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