Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
