Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
