i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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