I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
