apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
