At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
