shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
