she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
