Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Randomize
