Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
