I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
birth control should be required to get into college
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Randomize