it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
wow bdsm is so cute
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
