he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Randomize
