there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
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