things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
