I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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