god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
