just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
