lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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