i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
