Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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