there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
