I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
