So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
