all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
