Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize