I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
