R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
just tell him i said nine months
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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