i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
