that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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