I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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