hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
