you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
