So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
So much rum. So many feels.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
