it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
